Manifesto - final part

This is the part that will actually get me elected:

Transportation (like we used to do with criminals)

Under my regime certain people who I find deeply annoying will be transported to somewhere deeply miserable (Wales?) and never allowed to return. The list currently includes:

David Cameron;

Michael Winner;

Mick Hucknall;

Jim Davidson;

Prince Philip;

Timmy Mallett;

Didier Drogba;

Gary Lineker;

Michael McIntyre;

But not Thatcher or Gary Neville. Oh no. Thatch and Gaz are quite literally toast. I will have a giant toaster built and we will actual toast them until they are toast.

Lazy, bone-idle, Jermy Kyle watching scroungers will not be transported. They will be given to the army to be used in Afghanistan to find IEDs.

My final pre-election post will be to give my assessment of the candidates.