The votes are in.

My god it's been a busy couple of days. Yesterday was spent on the election trail going round a few marginal seats and whatnot. Then I was just settling down for a cup of coffee and a jaffa cake when my old mate Nigel Farage rang to ask if I knew how small aeroplanes worked. For some reason he ended the call before I could pass on my experience.

Today it's been like a hotline to the would-be leader. DC wanted to know if he should appear in rolled-up shirtsleeves or a suit, Nick Clegg doesn't know whether to bunk up with DC or GB. Bless him. The Tory policies on banning skinny jeans and skateboarding really appeal to him but Gordon's plan to give everyone free porridge are also right up his street. Gordon will give him a referendum on PR, DC will get some suits to write a report on it.

Gordon wants to know if I will support him. I've said I will in return for a peerage so by this time next week I might be Lord Keithamondo of Bolton.